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Dancing with God: Following the Holy Spirit’s Lead in Spiritual Direction
by Ann E. C. Borquist
The woman with the deep brown eyes entered the room with a sense of confident expectation. I listened with my whole being as she unfolded the story of God’s unique call on her life. Thirty minutes into the hour we had together, I was moved by her testimony but felt clueless about what spiritual guidance or encouragement she needed. I do not claim to be an expert on spiritual growth, but I was absolutely sure that God had called me to this place and time to minister to this woman on his behalf. Suddenly it hit me that it wasn’t about me and what I would say; I had overlooked the third Person in the dialogue. Time to switch gears! "Lord, show me her heart," I fervently prayed. There was no flash of light or hallelujah chorus; however, an unmistakable picture of her spiritual journey crystallized in my mind. This was incredible! Did I perceive this important theme in her life accurately? Again, I silently asked, "Holy Spirit, did I get this right? Is this what you want me to say to her?" Recognizing that I was entering the sacred ground of this woman’s heart, I shared the insight I believed the Spirit had given me. Her response was delightful. She was astonished that she had never perceived this thread running throughout her life, but there it was – revealed by God. This true story illustrates the critical role the Holy Spirit plays in the "dance" of spiritual direction. Think of the Holy Spirit as the caller at a divine square dance: the relationship between the dancers and the caller affects the dancer’s enjoyment as well as the beauty of the performance. Or in less poetic terms, consider spiritual guidance as a three-way dialogue between the spiritual director and God, the spiritual director and the person(s) seeking guidance, and between the seeker(s) and God. In this relationship, God desires to share his wisdom and insight through the Holy Spirit. However, since unsolicited advice is wasted on closed ears and a hardened heart, God waits patiently, courteously, until you invite him into the conversation. The most important thing you can do when offering spiritual guidance is to keep open the two lines of communication for which you are accountable - with the Holy Spirit and with the seeker. What is the practical way to do this? Listen for God’s voice even as you give your full attention to the person sitting before you. Simple question prayers can keep you focused on the most knowledgeable participant in the dialogue - the Holy Spirit. "Lord, how can I minister to this person?" "Holy Spirit, show me her/his heart." "Help me to see her/him as you do." "What is it that you are trying to teach them, Holy Spirit?" "What does she/he need to hear from you, Lord?" Wonderfully enough, these question prayers are a good reminder that you are not the one in charge. You do not need to solve this person’s problems! Your role is more like the Master’s apprentice, speaking and acting under his loving direction. As a spiritual director, you need to listen to the other person with your whole being even as you seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Body language is crucial for communicating genuine interest and maintaining focus on the person in front of you. Set up the chairs in a quiet space so that you are facing one another at a slight angle, similar to the direction you would face if conversing while sitting at two adjacent sides of a card table (rather than on opposite sides of the table). This allows for more freedom of thought and movement and feels less like a spiritual interrogation. It also is a physical reminder that there is another participant in the dialogue since you have not closed the circle by facing each other head on. Part of the "dance" of spiritual direction is modeling the kinds of questions the seeker needs to ask themselves for their own spiritual growth. "OK, that’s the story. What were the key words or repeat words used in the telling of it? What is the theme? How has that theme played out in your past? What is God up to in your life? What lesson is God trying to teach you? Do you think you’ve learned the lesson or are you still on the journey? What phase of the Endless Possibilities spiritual journey model do you think you might be in - Discovery? Cooperation? Arrival? How has this journey helped you to grow closer to God (wholeness and holiness) or to respond to his calling (faithfulness)?" Even without a "spiritual director" the person who wants to grow spiritually can reflect on these same questions.
The young man who sat next to me spoke with great exuberance about how God was working in his life. I sensed a hint of hollowness to his enthusiasm and began asking about how God had prepared him for this particular ministry. Almost in mid-sentence, he paused, hunched his shoulders and quietly wept as he recounted a painful childhood experience that continued to haunt him even in adulthood. I assured him that it was all right to shed tears of pain and grief and suggested that God wept with him over the evil that had been inflicted upon him. He described the anguish these memories had caused him and then revealed his deeper fear: what effect would this deep pain have on the work he was being called to do? Once again, I asked the Holy Spirit to speak through me. "How has this awful experience made you stronger, more Christ-like?" I asked. He looked up with a flicker of light in his eyes. "I never thought of it in those terms," he replied. Upon reflection, he conceded that he had deep compassion for children in situations similar to his. Perhaps God was calling him to minister to such children. Or perhaps his experience would enable him to minister to many kinds of hurting people. The bottom line was that though his pain was very real, God was enabling him to turn it into a source of compassion and strength in service to others. The central truth of spiritual direction is that God is the Lord of our journeys. God has a plan for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11) and wants to bless us, to lead us into life in its fullest (John 10:10). The role of the spiritual director is to help the person grow closer to God through reflection on how God has been active in her/his life. The focus is on God, not on the spiritual director! It is a privilege to enter the sacred ground of another person’s heart but you are always a guest, never the owner. To summarize, spiritual guidance takes place in the context of a three-way dialogue between the Holy Spirit, the person seeking guidance, and the spiritual director. As a spiritual director, it is critical that you intentionally seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance before speaking even one word of encouragement or challenge. In the divine "dance" of spiritual guidance each person has an important role, but the Holy Spirit always dances the lead.
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